Last time we had a bit too much action, so let's slow things down a little.
Yeah. There we go. How are we feeling? In the mood for some walking? I SURE HOPE SO.
So we started off outside... Whiterun? Yep, probably. I wandered around, taking care of business as usual when I found this cheeky little fellow:
I don't who why a crab had a ring. Oh wait, sure I do! SKYRIM, that's why!
I infiltrated a meadery, which is like a meadow but with a higher alcohol content. Unless you're in the west country. I went upstairs and read a book which made me better at making potions or something. People in there weren't friendly at all I thought about stealing their things, but
We wandered on for a while, Stephanie and I, taking in many beautiful...
What in God's name...
I got lost. Many, many times did I get lost. I began to think that I should have bought a horse but I'm glad I didn't because he'd probably be full of diamonds or something and get killed by thieves, because animals are full of jewellery here. Then I found an orc. He'd decided he'd lived out his usefulness and wanted to die.
'kay, that's taken care of. He wasn't even a quest, he was just, like, some guy. Some suicidal guy. Protip: do not tell Dragonbjorn that you desire death unless you are truly prepared.
Suddenly, a signpost! I'd forgotten where I needed to go now but that was okay, I could just go to one of the places I'd never been to before. But what's this?
On the top right there. Is that a sign reading Kitten? Dragonbjorn loves kittens! Oh boy!
I met a nice man on the way to what I could only assume was a cattery. He wasn't very helpful to I stabbed him. I hoped it would teach him a lesson about being rude to travellers and not offering them his valuable potions. I mean, what does a bard need with a potion of lockpicking? Dude didn't even have any lockpicks.
Then I found the kitten. And by "kitten" the game apparently meant "furry convention"
Which is fine, I'm cool with furries, but you did promise Dragonbjorn a kitten. Not some guy acting out his fursona. I accused the guy of stealing and he shanked me, so I punched him. He immediately declared I wasn't worth it and tried to play it off like nothing had happened. Maybe this guy was a cat. I tried to talk to him and he fell over stone dead.
That was a little confusing.
Finally, I climbed a mountain looking for some men with grey beards or whatever. I met a lot of people trying to go on pilgrimages and things. Pilgrims don't often carry flawless gemstones, so I suspect some of them may have been fibbing. I then decided to fight a snow troll. I remembered what the bestiary books said in Whiterun, that I should burn them with fire. And burn it I did.
It promptly knocked me over and shat on my corpse.
Thought for the day
Screw this main questline, it's friggin' dangerous. I'm want to go back to breaking into people's basements and punching goats.